And that hurts but gosh darn it, God loves me…

So K, oldest daughter, has debilitating migraines. Like pass out/ seizure episodes. But neurologically- nothing is wrong. There is a love -hate thing going on with doctors over this. It is almost like our daughter, my husband and I wish they could find an answer to point to and say – this is why K suffers.. And then find a solution. No such answers yet.

K lives with migraines.. Daily. And I can’t fathom that crap. I don’t know what it is like for throbbing head pain to be normal. I only know throbbing pain to be abnormal and with medicine, maybe a nap and a little yoga deep breathing, things feel NORMAL – no pain.

My oldest daughter has had migraines since the age of 4. And when that is your normal- no one can understand. Because you LIVE life in pain – not normal. But you can’t complain every day. So her existence has been one others can’t fathom.

Outside of that, K has had an amazing childhood. I think she would say that. Two parents deeply in love, that parent their three biological children from a REAL authentic Christian foundation. K was homeschooled and raised in a home that desired to mold kids who love to learn- history, science, about people, about God. K’s young years were filled with field trips and co-ops of like-minded parents wanting to make education magical.

Public service announcement: learning new things is really cool – being interested in life and others who have walked or are walking this planet is cool.

So when did the idyllic childhood end? Long before MOM AND DAD realized they had raised their children in a legalistic STEPFORD WIVES church. Place a bible verse after every sentence kinda Facebook posting church.

“Emily took her 1st step – Ephesians 2:10, Deut 8:6.”

No verse written out to see why the proud mom and dad pasted that helpful verse there – nope. Kinda implying that you either know the verses of the Bible already or you will look them up yourself and make the theological jump from Emily’s hangover-like stumble to God’s commands to live righteously. Clear as mud! No! Emily is sweet. She just took a few steps to try and reach Daddy. But the plugged-in Bible verses ad nauseam (which, mind you, I believe in the Bible- cover to cover) are those from white-washed tombstones. Pretty on the outside. With dead man’s bones on the inside. That’s a Bible reference as well. But I think the message is clear. A large part of the church in which our biological children grew up in is fake, hypocritical and as genuine as a real estate deal for ocean front property in Nebraska.

So apparently teenagers can smell hypocracy miles and miles away. When you are a young family and you want to raise your kids in a good church home of Bible teaching, a legalistic church may appeal to you. It MAY seem like tat type of church has really strong Christians in it. Or it may seem like those people all have it together because there is little to no mention of current struggles. The rule- follower’s children are “minions” as one teenager recently put it. They copy the behavior of their judgemental parents.. Just not so covertly. The minions will walk up to a peer and look straight in the other church attendees face and say “We can’t be your friend because you… (break our rules -i.e. wear a bikini, listen to music with bad lyrics, cuss, talk to people who cuss)

I am not saying that our K’s decision is THEIR fault. I know that her feeling of.. The Christians I saw most of my life are such awful people… Is understandable.

The knowledge that my husband and I have lived out an authentic relationship with our savior in front of our kids is what keeps us from drowning in the regret of raising our kids in a hypocritical church.

I.

Am.

Sorry.

Kids.

But our intention was to expose you to God by the hearing of his word.. ✔ and by seeing good Christians love you and others that our in your midst 👎.

Oh.. Ya want to know what hurts- my adult children rejecting God and not being able to comfort then with God’s love because the “love of God” they’ve seen reflected in their childhood church was a farce.

Good news – God. Wins.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s