Let Me Explain My Life With a Knife

Found a large knife laying in the pantry this morning… Just laying there on the shelf next to the flour. But a really big one. Like for slicing an Easter ham. F said he just wanted to have fun while waiting for school bus to come.

This is very typical of F- every single stinking day… poor decisions. And it completely blows my mind how many different forms his disobedience can come in. Kinda like a bouquet of an unlimited variety of flowers. There are big ones, tiny ones, some fragrant, some stinky- like carnations.

SIDENOTE: Have you ever noticed that overpowering smell of flowers – specifically carnations- at a funeral? When else do you walk into a room filled with flowers? Idk!

There seem to be an overabundance of stinky flowers populating my garden. And not because of inattention to said garden.

When we adopted our sibling group of 2, we homeschooled them at first to help them catch up on missing skills. They made great progress academically. When being mommy and teacher to very needy kids became overwhelming, we put them in a great local school. Small, close to home public school. One did great- he stayed in school. One needed extra loving- we homeschooled her then. We were INTENTIONAL in meeting needs: academically, therapeutically, spiritually, socially… Yep!

  • they have done school in whatever format best suited them,
  • they have been to numerous therapists for counseling over there years,
  • they have been active in church with AWANAS, youth group, camping trips, choir, VBS,
  • they have participated in soccer, gymnastics, surf camp, volleyball, yoga,
  • they have made friends (until they sabotaged those relationships) in our neighborhood, school, church and community

Yet over the course of six years, we have discovered their NEGATIVE COPING SKILLS:

1. FIGHT- not fun when family gets hurt. Baker Acted many times.

2. FLIGHT- chronic runaway. Baker Acted for this as well many times.

3. FREEZE- disassociates, blank stare, language center frozen.

Our child MOST likely to steal… THE one who pilfers and plunders our home daily.. He lives at home still.

Our child MOST likely to go into a rage or runaway.. She is learning COPING skills in a residential psychiatric facility.. AND MAKING PROGRESS.

So yeah- finding a large knife used to poke holes in 5 lb. bag of flour.. Normal.

Watching a child punch and kick through the bedroom door WHILE a police officer watches and leaves midway saying she has had behavior (ya think?) … Normal.

Room checks randomly to find endless amounts of stolen items…Normal.

Talking to your older “adult-ish” kids about who might care for their sibling’s child if their adopted brother or sister became pregnant..

Normal?

A friend said to me, “Suzanne, you do realize that is NOT a normal conversation right?”

“Oh!” “No?” “It isn’t?” I pondered. Well, the truth is we don’t specialize in typical “normal” family behaviors and conversations.

  • Hurts have hindered normal.
  • Hurts have hampered normal.
  • Hurts have ended normal here.

So CRAZY HAS BECOME MY COPING SKILL.SOMETIMES ALL YOU CAN DO IS:

  • LAUGH,
  • LIVE(ATTEMPT TO)
  • LOVE (STRIVE TO THROUGH THE PTSD, HURTS, FEARS, & PAIN)

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