I am not…

Not going to engage in counseling that seeks to level the playing field of mom, dad and son to equal contributors to trauma in our home.

Not going to participate in Freddie’s twisted disordered reality that …

ASKS FOR POINTS instead if APOLOGIZING FOR PAIN.

Not going to care if he gets 5 million points or 5. Not going to point out what he knows he should do.

Not going to live with urine smells. Depends diapers it is. His bladder issues are behavioral issues. Want time stop peeing son? Stop lying.

Not going to be in a relationship with a self-centered liar. The lies are everyday multiple times a day. I speak with honesty. I expect the same from others. Deal breaker.. Lying.

Not going time trust Freddues words until they match the behaviors that  those match the truth.

Not going to worry that Freddie doesn’t attend church with me. He has access to read Gods word. He has denied believing in God first over 5 months. He has put himself in the situation at High Ridge and at home. He continues to make poor choices.

YOU GET WHAT YOU GOT WHEN YOU DO WHAT YOU DID.

Not going to engage with the abusive and the un-human act of setting poison or his urine on the counter and watching me drink and/ or setting cup of pure hell as a evil form of abuse in kitchen purposefully left to greatly disturb me… Me ,”Mom”.

Not going to be bothered that I act different to kids which have protected me and loved me without threats to my safety versus how I act to kids who violate my sense of security,

Not going to allow Mom to be used as a title from someobe who hurts me. I will be Mom to those who are not characterized by stealing and lying but ARE trustworthy.

Not going to stop being a great person.  I care more about others, gave up my old easy life  to adopt … To offer to neglected kids what their parents didn’t give them. Instead if working on their selves, they birth returned our family’s love and traumatized us.

Not going to.

Done.

No more.

I am going to continue to grow … In wisdom by studying God’s word, applying scripture and not being vengeful. I will continue to grow in courage and bravery as I face the evil realities in this present park world. I will grow in my mental health. By reading God’s word, listening to podcasts, attending CR, listening to my community of believers, going to therapist, prayer, and USE of coping skills, I will see victory daily. I will grow physically stronger by caring for this temporary tent my soul abides in. I will grow in creativity by using my giftings to reflect my Creator. I will grow in knowledge as I care about being equipped to help and bless others -learning Spanish to honor Latin people, studying and caring about racial reconciliation with people of color, praying for condo neighbors and opportunity to preach the Gospel.

So much more.

Just getting started.

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