“But I can’t let her get away with talking to me like that! She needs to learn that people deserve respect!” first thoughts after rude comments from 12-year-old daughter
Where is the justice? upon further thinking
Shouldn’t right be rewarded – like all the time!?? clearly
Shouldn’t mean people, jerks, sin, and bad decisions be punished? Uh… emphatically YES! preach sister
And No. Not always.
Sometimes the effort to parent is exhausting – crushing – suffocating – both to the parent and child.
And sometimes wisdom is unearthed only by living on the planet and experiencing HARD – more than once. Eventually our decisions change, or should, if we are able to see the value in the lessons life teaches. At some point, people, mother’s especially, need to evaluate the circumstance and say:
VIA CON DIOS!
It is acknowledging (FINALLY) that I am not/ I ain’t gonna fix him. Solo Dios. Only God. Therefore, the current situation necessitates the sweet Spanish well-wishing good-bye:
VIA CON DIOS!
Realizing his character defects are beyond the scope of the moments and my mental health, I am learning to think:
VIA CON DIOS!
[And this can be said with a little sass..] When you see your adopted child with severe limitations to their emotional stability make another poor decision, you have options. #1 Think up a well-worded correction and launch into a lecture. #2 Loudly proclaim, “Are you freakin’ kidding me? #3 just repeat and shake one’s head mumbling “NO NO NO NO NO NO” ad nauseum.
But WISDOM from God rescues you from a near collision with crazy. You see it a time or 2. or 3. or 25. In situations 1-24, you opened your mouth and said in the face of the committed bad behavior:
NO – DESERVEDLY NO!
But what was the eventual outcome? Ahhh – it goes something like this:
a little yelling,
a lot of frustration,
a lot of stress and exasperation for the others in the vicinity,
BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT: I MUST ADDRESS THIS PROBLEM HERE AS A MOM. IT IS MY JOB. MY DUTY. I MUST TAKE A STAND FOR JUSTICE.
But I have a secret. A parenting diamond for those of you mining: You don’t have to address “it”, – not every time, – not in every season. You don’t have to confront injustice every time and in every season.
It is time to step out of the way. Over the land mine. Avoid the crater of pain that will explode from collarbone to hip bone. Picture a scene from a Vietnam war movie. Not good.
So many times before, you had to address the child’s foolishness.
But you really don’t.
I can’t believe I am saying this. It only took me being poisoned with bleach by my son, discovering paraphenalia for smoking weed in your baby boy’s room – who happens to now be 18, being hard-core judged by Christians who are more fake than real, being frightened so regularly by your adopted children’s violently insane behaviors that you develop PTSD, years of counseling, and a hubbie who suggested it for years:
LET IT GO!
But as a human woman given the high calling motherhood and nurturing five souls unto glory, let’s be honest, this is all about my journey. I – in good concscience- felt like I would be failing if I didn’t do ____________________, If I didn’t talk it to death with my perfectly clear analogies and scripture references and anecdotal stories, I felt like it was going to be completely understood and listened to. If I did _________ or if I said _________________.
But alas, there are teenage and adult children walking around on the planet unsaved, even when parents faithfully poured the Word of God into their lives. Salvation and spiritual maturity is a work only done is His timing and by His will. We don’t add anything to salvation. We don’t save our children.
Huge Mind Altering Thought: We don’t have to save our children. We only HAVE to glorify God.
Often Imagine a hostage negotiation going down and a bullhorn in hand as God declares:
- STEP AWAY FROM THE FOOLISHNESS.
- LET THE PROFESSIONALS ie. God HANDLE IT.
- MA’AM… MA’AM. YES, YOU THERE. DRONING ON AND ON. SHUT UP! I really wish God would say shut up to me sometimes. It is such a very good idea every now and then.
- SLOWLY WALK AWAY!
- DO NOT LOOK BACK! ABSOLUTELY NO LOOKING BACK!
- AND LET THE CRAP GO MOMMA!
Say: VIA CON DIOS!
Let the sovereign ruler over all time and space work providentially and/or supernaturally. Let the yuck of the life pass without launching a full scale assault on things like an eyeroll. Sometimes let it go. Now I am not saying always let stuff go.
But sometimes – Smile as wisdom whispers her brilliant counsel in your mind’s ear and say:
VIA CON DIOS!